what once was mine
by bitchface-mcgee
Summary: "Once you talked of a maiden who was far, far away from you. A girl who was just a dream... Who walked in starlight. You asked me if I thought she could have loved you."" - Kili and Tauriel in their final moments after The Battle of the Five Armies.


**A very short little one-shot inspired by my new favourite OTP, set after the Battle of Five Armies.**

**I hope you enjoy, despite it being pretty much angst-central. **

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><p>Tauriel was a calm maiden. Even in a position such as hers she was somehow always composed, carrying a near constant expression of clarity, and managing to see things logically. It was one of many traits, maintaining a clear head even in the most desperate of times, that Thranduil had always admired about her. His son had come to share in this admiration too. However, they sometimes mistook this as a lack of passion, which couldn't have been any further from the truth. Tauriel had plenty of fire burning away beneath the surface. She was simply a master at concealing it.<p>

The Dwarf had now taken the mask that kept everything hidden. He had made her vulnerable.

_"Kili!"_ Tauriel screamed as she stood high on a near-by rock to overlook the wasteland below.

The battle had been fearsome even for the strongest of fighters. When the Orc's had come in their masses and their numbers became clear, it was evident those who banded against them were not going to win. Yet somehow, they had. Now in the aftermath of it all, the young elf could see it had not come without great loss on their part.

Tauriel however had not fought beside her brethren that day.

Thranduil had come along with all the others to take his share of the treasures that had been recovered from Erebor, and when he was met with a cold reception he seemed suddenly outraged by everything around him, most of all being the Elven maid who the Dwarves had in their company.

She'd been gone for what felt like so long, but how could she leave Kili after saving his life? How could she so carelessly run from the only thing she wanted to hold on to? How was she suppose to just never look back?

These were the only questions that occupied her thoughts whenever Tauriel debated returning to Mirkwood, and so she hadn't. She'd helped Kili regain his strength slowly, and with gentle care had healed him back to health. She'd helped the Dwarves slay the evil that had claimed their land, and in their company had even managed to heal a part of herself Tauriel hadn't realised was broken. That had all been down to him though.

It had been Kili to sow together the hole in her chest

She called out his name again with utter desperation whilst clutching the gash on her ribs. Each time she moved the wound would grow deeper, but Tauriel couldn't seem to care about her own well-being when she didn't know about Kili's.

When Men and Elves alike had laid down their weapons to fight a common evil, it seemed that Tauriel might return to her brothers and slay the impending evil with her kin, but of course she hadn't. Instead she stayed close by the dwarves, one of whom in particular noticed her presence by his side.

Kili just stood there with the smallest smile on his lips when the elf with the auburn hair chose to run into battle with them.

"If this is my last fight," He'd began as the bone trembling roar of Orc's rose. "I can think of no better way to start and end it than with you beside me."

Tauriel had wanted to assure him that this would not be his last fight. The mere thought that it was proved too much to bear, but she was no fool. She knew as well as any man, elf, or dwarf that this evil was not going down without a fight, and that many lives would be lost.

Lives that the both of them relied on.

So she said nothing, instead looking down on him with hazel eyes that she hoped could impart on him some of which she was too frightened to say. It was then that she promised herself, would they both make it out alive, she would tell him. She would not comply to the norms of either of their races, nor would she fear the rejection of anybody bar him. Tauriel would be honest for the first time in what felt like an eternity, and perhaps if she was lucky, Kili would be too.

It was mid-battle when she lost him. An Orc almost twice her size had dragged her away, and amongst the enemies who wanted her blood she had no time to try and find him again. The second it had all been over Tauriel had mounted the rock she now stood on, and began calling out his name in the vain hope of hearing her own in return.

She went to scream once more into oncoming night, but in the light of dusk she saw a hand rise, holding a bow she recognised all too well.

"Kili." She murmured to herself before she began sprinting to his side, ignoring the pain that rippled through her own war-torn body as she thought of nothing but feeling his heavy hand within hers. The mere memory of such a touch made her heart feel like the sun, but upon seeing him up close, that warmth was soon suffocated by darkness.

The remnants of arrows littered across his body, most of them broken now, but still embedded with their heads piercing his thick armour and allowing dark red liquid to flow from him. Kili was barely concious, but his eyes that reminded her of the trees in autumn fluttered open and caught sight of her own.

"Tauriel-" He tried to reach for her, dropping his bow as he did. Instantly she was on the floor beside him, lifting him gently so that his body was propped up in her lap.

"Do not speak." She insisted softly as her hands came to rest on his chest. "I can heal you. I can, but you need to save your strength." The Elf began to murmur words that were lost on the Dwarf she held, but still he smiled, finding some peace in her efforts however futile. He didn't allow her to do this for very long before, with whatever energy he had, Kili reached up to gently run his finger-tips along her sharp jaw. The touch coaxed Tauriel out of her trance, and her eyes snapped open to look into his once more.

There were tears in them now, in those green eyes that Kili had come to dream of.

"It's no use, love." He somehow managed to chuckle as he said this, or perhaps it was the blood at the back of his throat mimicking such a sound as laughter. Kili didn't want to believe it was the latter. "It's time."

"No." Tauriel replied firmly, with a furrowed brow and desperate eyes that filled quickly. "No, it is _not_ your time. It's not-"

"It is." Kili's voice was quiet, and yet she fell silent as he interjected with a small nod of his head. As Tauriel's tears began to fall Kili could do nothing but smile. Her pain brought him no joy, but to know that was how he would leave this world, after fighting to save his family and in the arms of someone whom he loved more than the stars themselves, Kili could not help but think that there was no finer way to die.

Tauriel leant forward, trying to control her breathing as her hand came to gently cup Kili's cheek, her thumb running back and forth over his stubble. It was then that she remembered her promise, and as this seemed to be the last time she would get to fulfil it, she knew there was no time to waste in debating whether or not to say the words.

"Once you talked of a maiden who was far, far away from you. A girl who was just a dream... Who walked in _starlight._ And you asked me if I thought she could have loved you." Tauriel said gently, tucking straggles of black hair behind his ear as she did. The two of them, despite the time they'd spent together had never talked of this before now. Tauriel thought she was doing his pride a favour by not mentioning it, but now she couldn't help but loathe herself for not bringing it up sooner. All that time, wasted.

Maybe what she was about to say could have even saved him.

"She does, Kili." For the sobs that ran through her Tauriel was surprised she could even say this much. "She loves you. And she will love you for the rest of her long and lonely days." There was no better way to guarantee her emotions than to lean forward and place a kiss to his lips, and so that was what Tauriel did.

She felt Kili beneath her try to respond, his lips forming against her own before his fingers softly found their way into her hair, but he was so very weak now. He was drifting, quicker than she could do anything to stop it.

"No, please not yet-" Tauriel begged as she leaned back again, the tears blurring her vision. "Don't leave me." She cried pulling him closer, as though to guard him from all who might hurt him. The dwarves were coming now to collect their dead and heal those who were wounded, but despite the hope she still clung to, Tauriel knew they would not make it beside them quick enough.

And if they did, there was nothing they could do.

There was the gentlest tug on her hair as Kili managed to run his fingers through the ends of it with the ghost of a smile on his lips.

"I'll be waiting for you." Where the words that he whispered last, before his hand dropped and Tauriel felt his body heave it's last breath. He laid there, motionless and empty in her arms, and the elven maid felt that old wound in her chest rip open once more, aching now as it never had before.

She made no attempt to muffle her sobs, to contain them as her forehead rested against Kili's. His skin was cold now beneath hers, and the glimmer of ever-lasting youth that he seemed to always carry with him was lost.

Kili was gone, and Tauriel could not bring him back to her.

Instead she could sit there amongst the bodies of the battlefield, without a thought to spare for any life lost that day bar that of the Dwarf's who laid in her arms, and how her world would seem somehow worthless without him in it. She knew of course, even then when the grief was too much to bear, that one day the pain would become tolerable and life would go on. She would return to her duties, watch over Mirkwood, and pretend as though she was fine because that was what she was good at. But Tauriel also knew that she would never know the kiss of another man. She would never have the joy of bringing a child into this world. She would never feel love again.

Because without Kili, she wanted no part in any of that.

That was why she cried for him now. She hadn't just lost the only man she would ever love, but the only promise of happiness to cross her path in almost six-hundred years, and so before the dwarves came too close and tried to drag him away from her she muttered in return a gentle few words that she convinced herself he could still hear.

_"And I'll be waiting until I can join you, Melamin."_

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><p>Well that one killed me. I really want to write a full fiction for these two considering they've taken over my life, but I thought I'd try out a nice pain-ridden piece first.<p>

Thanks for giving it a read! I hope you liked it, and if you did, y'could always leave a quick little review! Cheers :3


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